Saints Row: The Third Review

I'll just get the Grand Theft Auto comparisons out the way straight off the bat. You press Triangle to enter vehicles. That's about it. If people are still comparing this series to GTA at this point they need to broaden their view of games a bit. Remember how ridiculous San Andreas and Vice City were? If you multiply that ridiculousness together, and then add in a baseball bat sized floppy pink dildo (called The Penetrator), then you come close to the feel of Volition's latest product. GTA4 was super serious to the point where I found myself driving somewhat safely around town...no such worries in Saints Row, especially considering you're actively encouraged to drift, get air, and run over every pedestrian in sight. The first time an achievement progress bar came up saying "10/500 Pedestrians Ran Over", I knew that this was a game to be taken with large quantities of salt.

The story is close to inconsequential given the sheer amount of fun you can have in the game without it, but they've actually done a pretty good job of it. You are the nameless 'Boss' of the internationally recognised street gang 'The Saints', hounded on all sides by law enforcement, the government and rival gangs. The main villains (if anyone can really be called a 'villain' in Steelport) of the game are the Syndicate, headed up by the Mexican-wrestler-mask-wearing Killbane, along with twin sisters as his sidekicks (one of whom is voiced by actress Sasha Grey...I won't link you to anything she's done in the past, you can look that up yourself, preferably alone). The Syndicate want money and power, because they always do, right? So, it's up to you, Johnny Gat, Shaundi, Zimos (a pimp who speaks entirely using auto-tune), and the rest to stop them. The comedy is extremely well written, and often crude, yet in a good way, unlike a certain other game released this year which took 14 years to make. I'm not a fan of the way the game was marketed, the tagline "Strap it on" doesn't really do the game justice in my opinion, you're better than that, Saints Row.

A good chunk of the early game story missions introduce you to all of the mission types that you'll be seeing throughout the game. These range from jumping into a tank and destroying everything in sight, to driving around with a tiger in the passenger seat attempting to keep it happy, to protecting some of your buddies by hanging out of a helicopter with a rocket launcher, and everything in between. Everything just felt like pure, unadulterated mayhem...and by God was it refreshing, and most importantly, fun. In the very first mission you are robbing a bank, disguised as...yourselves, and signing autographs as you go. Oh, and rather than just open the vault and take the money, you blow a hole in the building, and lift the vault out with a helicopter. Not long after that, you're skydiving out of a plane, dodging debris and defending yourself from skydiving bad guys as you fall. Then later, you're transported into a Tron-like cyber-world, and then off you go to Mars. The action is relentless without ever being overwhelming, and the combat is a delight. You find new weapons as you go, and upgrade your existing ones with your cash that you acquire during your adventures. Ever fancied turning someone into a cloud of blood using a weapon which creates a sonic boom? No? Well you can anyway, and you'll enjoy it.

Pretty much everything you do in the game gets you some 'Respect', the Saints Row version of experience points, which you use to level up. As you go, you can unlock new abilities, such as increasing the amount of gang members you can have following around, being able to dual wield pistols, and, you know, not being able to take damage from bullets. The usuals.

An ambitious game such as this is never without it's flaws, and Saints Row: The Third has a few. I was playing on the PS3 and the frame rate took a HUGE dive when the action on screen got a bit crazy, especially during the tank mayhem missions, where if something isn't exploding at all times, you're doing something wrong. There were also a few texture issues here and there, and I fell through some scenery once or twice, but all that was forgiveable, and you almost took it as part of the game, which is so silly already.

There's multiplayer in the awfully named 'Whored Mode'...again, you're better than that, Saints Row. It's pretty much the same as the Gears of War horde mode, you're fighting off enemies, buying defences and so on. It seems fine, but is nowhere near as compelling as the single player mode.

All that being said, I'm sure not everyone would enjoy Saints Row: The Third, the humour and carnage won't be to everyone's taste. However, if you like the carnage, and huge amounts of fun, you should really check this game out.